Top 5 reasons to vote republican in November

Published on October 27, 2006 in random. Closed

More like my suggestions for republican slogans for the last few weeks before midterm elections. Here they are:

  1. Republicans have done such an amazing job in Iraq! Matter of fact ,it is not as bad as it seems, trust us
  2. Taking bribes for favorable contracts is no where near as bad as getting a blow job
  3. After 12 years of a Republican congress and 6 years of a Republican presidency we are oh so close to banning abortion, small goverment and all of those other things we promised
  4. Budget deficits are not our fault, they are Clinton’s. As are rising oil prices, out of control health care cost, terrorism, Osama Bin Laden, out sourcing, Iran and North Korea’s nuclear arms, America’s horrible international relations and image (see blow job in #2), illegal immigration, crime, the clogged tubes on the internet, Britney Spears, gay people, steriods in MLB, bad schools, South Park, the Miami Dolphins, traffic, killer bees and our general decline of civilization into a regular Sodom and Gomora
  5. Seriously, water boarding is actually a lot of fun!

I didn’t stop there. I have more thoughts on new Republican slogans. I think I will send the rest to Karl Rove

Other that did not make the final cut:

  • Democrats suck!
  • You think a bunch of lying, stealing, crooked, hypocritical, drugged up, pedophiliac, overspending, out of touch, incompetent, inefficent politicians are really bad, wait for the Democrats. They’re liberals.
  • Every parent dreams of their sixteen year-old going to experience real government and being molested by a genuine, big-time congressmen
  • We started this mess, at least give us a chance to fix it
  • Don’t let a few dozen, or thirty, maybe forty rotten apples spoil the whole bunch
  • Michael J. Fox must have been faking it
  • We don’t like GW any more either
  • Evangelicals, we never really listened to them anyway
  • Big Government. It’s all an illusion. It’s much smaller than you think it is
  • We don’t actually like gays, we just hired them to help us dress better
  • Bridges to nowhere help us all
  • Let us clarify, small goverment has always meant letting us tell you who to sleep with, that you must believe in God and that it is unpatriotic to disagree with anything we say, just look it up. Trust us

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