Membership has its privileges. An anonymous CNA hookup gave us the hookup. We got nifty tickets for an “early shopping experience” to the Wal-Mart of the gods, IKEA. Hell yeah.
I do like cheap goods but I like them better when they are pretty and have cool names. It makes me feel smart and hip, both of which are not on the radar of truth. And considering that we have worked a visit in to several vacations to various stores in the north (strange to be furniture store groupies), it was fitting that our home town experience be not normal.
So the Welch family, Orlando Edition, packed up the Element and blasted down to the newest shopping Mecca. I must say it is quite nice to have a wonderful shopping palace to snob out at within less than 15 minutes driving. Millenia for your over-priced purse and kitchen gadgets (Apple store is a necessity and thus escapes scrutiny), Target is the not so poor man’s Wal Mart and Expo for a true blown budget home remodel of the highest quality.
IKEA must have blown the earnings from this “early shopping experience” on OPD overtime pay. The Po-Po was out all over to direct people away with a kindly “Not open yet fool, got to have agolden ticket”. We got to park in the luxurious dirt overfill lot. Lucky for us, our stroller is of the off road, mud tire, for wheel drive kind (not), so the walk in was a joy.
Our self inflated niftiness in regards to scoring this early pass was deflated by the scores already walking out with their wallets poured into bright blue shopping bags filled with wonderful Swedish designed goodies. We line up and flash our handy golden ticket to the greeter at the door and begin our Swedish shopping spree.
I am immediately overwhelmed by the colors. Bright lights, fancy, ultra mod couches and the smell of meatballs. Just as quickly, we duke it out over the direction travel. I am anal and must follow the prescribed path. Must not deviate, the arrows demand that we go this way. Nope. Christina must make her own way, aiming for the section of the catalog she poured over (which happens to be the middle). Of course she wins, my cheese has been moved and I am cranky for the next eight minutes and twenty-three seconds.
Revenge is had by demanding an immediate engorgement of Swedish meatballs and fancy cake after she is done with her out of order section. Meat in small spheres covered in gravy with a dash of a fruit that starts with L make me happy. The world is reset to its non-cranky default. With this we move on. My cheese is back in its starting position as we track down the beginning of the maze.
Glorious sounding and looking items amaze, as do the prices. These Swedes are cheap bastards and we like them. It makes Wal Mart look like the China whores they are. At least the Swedish fools can find the sweatshops that specialize in pretty things. It is amazing that the strangest items amaze. Cheap metal hangers, toilet brushes that make you think about buying all the colors for a complete collection and all the while having hang on to a ugly yellow bag to drop these chotchkes in.
But the goods are not all that bad either. Christina digs the bedding, cheap and gloriously fluffy on the higher end of things. I do dig the furniture but have no place to put anything so we fast forward that section. The O-Town IKEA made sure to include a larger work section for the hipster office. Mod looking desk organizers, chairs and fancy desk setups. You can even buy single table tops to capture the hip look on your budget file folder drawers. They also tempt you with the examples of rooms like the “Here is our 25 sqaure foot apartment” model. You too can live in the set of 2001 for nearly free really cheap.
I am fooled into thinking IKEA is way better than Hell Wal Mart. Never mind the fact that they probably have wiped clear a section of the rain forest, tax evasion, their theft procurement of design students works and other corporate sins that make them just as evil. Cool design and pretty colors makes things much better. (Well the charities and the fact that they like gay people helps a bit).
We make it out with dishes, flourescent bulbs and a cheap toy for The Sam. All said, it was good. IKEA is good. And they have a strange assortment of jarred fish. The End.
Other Links:
David Byrne (of Talking Heads fame) describes his blinding experience of the video game of Ikea and someone actually has an Ikea Orlando blog. Don’t know why but there are bigger groupies.
Greg and I are so jealous! We hope to check it out on Sunday, if you’re up for more swedish meatballs.
I am already for a repeat trip. Did you see the crazies out for the camping in the parking lot?