Another in the Spam File

June 12, 2008

I wish I could cite the quote, or even get it right, but I read recently that spam is the internet’s poetry. While most has fallen to randomized letters and numbers trying desperately to get a penis enlargement insult ad through the filter there are some that harken back to huckster and shyster days of old school con men.

I have enjoyed a few and chronicled a couple already [Nigerian scam and comment spam]. Here are two more for the anals annals.

The first is the latest “I need someone to serve as the fake recipient for a cut so please give your bank info now” scam. These are normally humorous, badly spelled missives from a supposed diplomat or lawyer from a hard to find and pronounce African country. This one is interesting for its better grammar and that they took it up a notch.

Dear Welch,

I will like to solicit your help in a business proposition, which is by nature very confidential. I know that a transaction of this magnitude will make any one worried and Apprehensive but I am assuring you not to worry, as all will be well at the end of this endeavor.

I am Mr. Jones Green, personal attorney to late Dr. Edward Welch, who died of a cardiac arrest a few years ago leaving behind a large sum of money with a commercial bank in the Island of Seychelles which is a tax free zone, a place where plenty of rich people tend to hide away funds not ready to be used or invested . I will not mention the amount of money and name of bank presently until we have agreed to deal.

So far, valuable efforts has been made to get to his people but to no avail, as he had no known relatives more because he left his next of kin column in his account opening forms blank and he has no known relative. Due to this development the bank has come forward to ask us as his personal attorneys to bring forward a close relative to claim the funds otherwise as the Seychelles national laws would have it, any dormant account for five years will be declared unclaimed and then paid into the government purse.

To avert this negative development my colleagues and I have decided to look for a reputable person to act as the next of kin to late Dr. Welch. so that the funds could be processed and released into his account, which is where you come in. my law firm will also act as your personal attorneys since we will be portraying you as being directly related to our late client being from the same country.

All legal documents to aid your claim for this fund and to prove your relationship with the deceased will be provided by us. Your help will be appreciated with 30% of the total sum which I would disclose in my next email Please accept my apologies, keep my confidence and disregard this letter if you do not appreciate this proposition I have offered you.

I wait anxiously for your response. Pls get back through this email jgreenz4@yahoo.com

Yours Faithfully,

Jones Green

I am impressed with the Welch touch. I admit it made me read it twice. Never mind the fact that attorneys love to use certified mail for such things, I am sure this one has been effective.

The next one is running for the Prettiest Spam award.

I love the connection to Microsoft. The links worked. I am sure they are loving this association. Maybe this is part of their new ad network. Might be the very reason to buy Yahoo. Spam is not working so well.

Posted in technojunk